BIG.BOLD&RED.

Moleskine Red Large Memo Pockets.

I WANTZ.

Bringing Back the Old School

One of the many things I love from the past is a good handwritten letter.

Why? Because unlike text, unlike emails, unlike Facebook wall posts, paper letters are just so personal.

They carry so much on a single piece of paper; the writer's emotions and thoughts so transparent through the writer's penmanship and writing.

Two months ago my friend sent me a letter from Toronto, and it brought tears to my eyes. Two months later, I finally got the chance to retrieve my stationary from home, and wrote my reply.

Yeah. Old School Style.

What's in a Name?

Two days ago, I paid a visit to Goody's grocery store after land practice to purchase a banana, hoping to suppress my hunger before my fraternity meeting right after. As I unbuttoned my wallet to fish out my credit card, I suddenly heard a squeal, followed by:

"IS THAT A LOUIS VUITTON WALLET?"

Initially, I had thought the girl wasn't talking to me, so I continued to hand the cashier my card. But the girl was persistent, and she tapped my shoulders and asked again,

"DO YOU HAVE A LOUIS VUITTON WALLET?!"

"uh....yes?"

"OH MY GOD! It's ADORABLE!"

At that moment, her fingers reached forward and tentatively touched the leather of the wallet. "(Insert boyfriend's name), Look! She has a Louis Vuitton wallet. It's adorable!"

I was stunned, and really didn't know what to say besides giving her a smile, murmured a very hurried "thank you", grabbed my banana, and walked out of the door.

Awkward? yes.

This is definitely the first time I've ever heard "Louis Vuitton" being called "adorable."

But really,

LouisVuittonDolce&GabbanaJuicyCoutureCoach

What do they really mean?

(They're just names, after all.)

Just updating.

A lot of times I would create a "New Post", jot down a couple words, and press "Save Now", with the intentions of coming back and completing it at a later time. Recently, it's become a horrible habit, leaving me with around 25 incomplete posts, waiting for me to devote some love and attention to complete them.

Well, I guess today is just as good as any to start.

Let the pre-final procrastination begin.

The Curse

Finals are coming up.

Actually, let me rephrase that. My chemistry final is tomorrow.

Normal people would be going coo-coo right now, with the mental sirens sounding and screaming "ALERT! ALERT!" in their heads as they cram to make that finals stretch...

But as you can see, that's not me. I, unfortunately, was cursed with an unexplainably high tolerance for procrastination.

Yeah. The Curse so cruelly casted on my mind, taking away all the stress that I should be feeling and replacing them with urges to...

1. Roam around the house aimlessly

2. BLOG

3. Munch

4. Research the health benefits of all my munchies

5. Sleep

6. Eat some more

Despite not consciously feeling stressed at all, I know that my body is in fact VERY STRESSED right now. Because all the symptoms are showing- the sleepiness, inability to focus, and the forever insatiable hunger.

Which led to the ingestion of almost 5 lbs of cherries in the span of last two days (among various other snacks).

So. Good. Nom.

Gah.

I will talk about my berries-addiction another day. :D

Haitians

A lot of times, being the FOB that I am (oh how Jon loves to rub it in every single day...), I would look at a word, stare at it, stare at it some more, hoping it will register, and eventually bite down my pride and ask my companions, only to realize afterwards, as I stare at the same word again, this time disbelievingly, how incredibly obvious the word's meaning is, and how embarrassing my question came out to be.

Haitians. Yea.

Last night as I was staring at some many 200 sheets of yellow paper I stumbled across this word countless times. Haitians. HAItians.HaiTIANS. HUH?

Naturally, being the girl who can't NOT know, I asked my companion the almighty Bailey, "What are Haitians?"

And he replies, "Haitians...like, people living in Haiti?"

Well, DUH. *smacks forehead* I should have known.

Unfortunately Jon had to be there, and made me feel incredibly stupid, not to mention post it on Nina's facebook, and publish it to the world.

It's not that I'm trying to be oblivious to the world. Being ignorant is the last thing I want to be. Of course I known of Haiti, and all the unfortunate events that the fragile place has had the misfortune of experiencing. I know of the earthquake that happened, of poverty and the living conditions there.

But when the alphabets rearrange themselves in different functions, and my mind is on a completely different track, thinking of sexually transmitted diseases, suddenly, the words HAITIan and HAITI just don't pop and scream "I'M A PERSON FROM HAITI" to me.

I know, it's my fault that my mind doesn't operate on the "English" track like a well-oiled machine. I haven't entirely put forth much effort to try to improve my English (ever since I completed my SATs and tossed everything in the back of my head). And yes, English as second language can be hard, with all the colloquialism and syntax that aren't taught in the dictionary, but many people have succeeded, so I should be able to do the same.

But still, thanks for making me feel worse than I already do, world.

Of Living with Dictator 1 & Bully 2

I don't really remember the entirety of my dream last night, only snippets. One particular scene, however, stood vivid in my memory, and the tsunami of emotions that crashed over me at that particular time in my dream feels just as clear now as it did then.

I dreamt of a very expensive looking food processor. What was better: it was on sale. *insert JOY&EXCITEMENT*

What. the. Fuck?

Yea, I thought so too.

I guess it has been a while since I tearfully bid farewell to the good companion of Nina's former aparmentmate's handy-dandy food processor, and I guess it has also been a while since I last touched the oven. Lately, I haven't been inspired to bake anything. The closest I've come to wanting to bake was upon seeing some sinfully delicious looking Ferrero Rocher Macarons (with FR being my favorite chocolate dessert and all), but it soon died as I stumbled across some other exquisite looking French dishes that made me wanna COOK more than BAKE (namely Anthony Bourdain's Roti de Porc Au Lait).

Well, let's hope foodgawker spits out some inspirational desserts sometime soon, or fatty Jon's not getting any sweets.

Which, leads me to the title of this post: my housemates. or more specifically, Jon & Bailey & Nina. Oh how I love living with them. Everyday is filled with mild insults and playful banters that makes me laugh so hard that I think I might get abs just from laughing by the end of this year.

Dictator 1: Bailey Zhao

"You should be HONORED to be in my presence."

Bully 2: Jon Lin

"Go to your room. Yea, that's right. Do as I say."

and what are we (Nina&me)? The giggle girls & the minions.

"Oh yes honorable Bailey!"

I will be sad when Bailey leaves at the end of this month. (I think.)

I'll miss him though, no lie.

Start of Solidarity

Today marks the official end of my dormitory life. I was officially "kicked out" of my dorm at noon. Strangely, instead of emptiness, I was filled with courage and curiosity. Like growing up. I wonder how life is going to be beyond this point. And thus the adventure begins.

Today was also a step forward for many of my good friends, namely, the seniors from Marshall, Revelle, and Muir. It was their graduation today, signifying the completion of their four years of hard work. Congratulations. I wish them luck as they plunge into the adult world and become part of the working society.

Oh yea, today also signifies the start of Summer vacation. BOOYAH. Let's go play.

End of Freshman Year

The year came and went in a flash. First day of orientation, moving into the dorms, first day of class, fall quarter, winter quarter, spring quarter. All the memories still burn freshly in my mind. Where did the time go?

The end leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I'm happy that I finished the first year of college (I survived!), but there are several things that I thought could have been better. One of which included regret for not knowing my suitemates (and the guys next door!) better until this quarter.

For the past days as I spent countless amount of time with them- going to Red Robins, going to PC, and just, hanging out- I've come to realize that how many times in a lifetime will I really get the chance to live with so many girls? How often does it happen when your friend is literally right next door? I mean, yea, they do little things that piss me off sometimes, but still. It's an experience that will be remembered forever.

And as I pack my things now, I can't help let sadness wash over me. I bite back my tears, and tell myself that it's okay.

Tonight's the last night in the dorms. Let's go have fun.

Steven Berra

So my friend and her boyfriend were talking in my common area and I overheard this conversation:

Boyfriend: "Duude, so like I saw Steven Berra today at the taco shop and I got to shake hands with him."

Girl: "Oh really? Did you get his autograph?"

Boyfriend: "Nah, I went up to him and said 'hey bro, just keep doing what you do.' Did I ever tell you that I think it's stupid to ask for someone's autograph? It's like, asking a person you admire to do something so materialistic like..signing their name...on a piece of paper. What's the point?"

Hands down. So true.

Young Leaves of Barley in Whole

Sometimes I wish I can live on an island with no internet, no TV. Just me, and a book, maybe a glass of lemonade, on a hammock, accompanied by the gentle brush of ocean breeze and the soothing sound of the waters splashing and the palm trees rattling. To just enjoy nature for what it's worth. Like the old days.

That, though, seem too much like a picture from a traveling brochure, maybe to Hawaii or the Caribbean. In the world I live in, life is saturated with electronics and social interaction. With noises.

But it still doesn't prevent me from trying to replicate the tranquility that I long for. On the patio outside my suite.

I made a cup of "Young Leaves of Barley in Whole" veggie soy milk thing (that my mom bought from some Japanese store that's supposed to be the equivalent of eating veggies! It tasted like green tea soymilk, YUMS), grabbed a book and a sitting cushion, and went out to the patio where I sat, read, and sipped my soymilk while enjoying the San Diego breeze that made the trees swayed side to side, and listening to the dull and gentle hum of cars and people and everything else.

Well, that's the best I can do for now.

Close enough to my Caribbean life, don't you think?

051310 Of Being A Girl

Today as I was walking out of the bathroom next to Panda Express in PC I ran into a girl who was just coming through the door. Upon seeing me, she shouted angrily: "DON'T EVER DATE A GUY NAME DRAKE CUZ HE JUST MADE ME DEAF IN ONE EAR."

I stood dumbly, speechless as she brushed past me to go towards the sink, where she proceeded to try to hide her puffy eyes with cold running water. I took a step out the door, but immediately retracted and went to her, hugging her sobbing person and patting her on the back while telling her that "it's okay". She gave me an incoherent string of apologies that I managed to make out in between her sniffs, and held me tight. A minutes later as her crying subsided, she grabbed some tissue and thanked me before going out the door- bravely facing what I assumed the single life.

I guess this is one of the differences between girls and guys. Girls are there for other girls, even if they don't know the other girl or her situation. We willingly offer our condolence in moments of vulnerability, hold no reservation in becoming the other's solace just so she can stand back up again, so that she can face the challenges before her bravely again, if not braver than before.

But girls aren't all daisies and stars, hearts and kisses either. We're multilayered. We're gentle but when we put our mind to it we're forceful. We're naive and innocent but to achieve our goals we can be cunning. We're strong but easily breakable. We're Complicated. We're walking contradictions.

What I'm trying to say in this post is that: guys, please handle us gently. We're fragile. Besides your machoness and masculinity, please do use some sensitivity that is born in you. If you wrong one girl, well let's just say, world spreads quickly through the intricate web of social communication. We are, after all, queens of gossip.

Now that I know to never date a guy name Drake.

Giving back...

A way overdue "giving back" - one that I've been wanting to do but couldn't because certain things required me to not put myself in a vulnerable state-ie, sports. But since we're taking a break now, I decided that it was time.

I donated blood today. On my way to lunch I was persuaded by that seemingly nice lady to go sit down and sign up to donate blood. How easily-persuaded I am...

It wasn't my first time, but it's the first time that I ran into difficulties.
My blood didn't flow as fast as usual. She had to wiggle the needle in my arm to find my vein. Ouch. It really hurt.

Afterwards I felt lightheaded and tired and hungry and emotionally vulnerable that all I wanted to do was crash. I think it was because I didn't eat until a lot later (4:50). Gah, day ruiner #1. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate wanting to cry. But all the things just keep building up, and the tears are just threatening to spill.

But hey, at least now I will know that the next person needing AB+ blood won't die of blood lost. Because if he/she does, then the doctor is obviously lying about "doing everything I could."

I mean, how the the universal receiver die of blood lost...? o.O

haha :D

Kind of disappointed that I didn't get to go do something that I've been looking forward to for a while.
...too bad I wasn't born couple years earlier. :/

Then maybe things would be different.
Everything would be different.

Free Fall

The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

Bone-shatteringly
Hope-shatteringly
Heart-shatteringly.

RE: Nostalgia

Minutes after posting up that last depressing post, I stumbled upon this post.

In an odd way it cheered me up. Because before reading that all I could think about was work and school and how tomorrow will only bring more disappointment.

Then I was reminded of the big picture, the world outside of school and work, reality.

Tomorrow, brings me one day closer to graduation, one day closer to my goal in life, and one day closer to that day when I can go back to Taiwan, even if it's just for visiting.

I miss home. I really do.

But it's a good kind of missing. It's a motivation.

Thanks.

This shade of depressing blue really doesn't suit me.
Time for Change. :)

When Life Gives You Lemons...

...it never said they are sweet.

(DUH, lemons aren't sweet.)

Chemistry midterm answer key came out tonight, and all I can say is: disappointment.

Not at my grade, but at myself. Because now that I look at how much I studied, well, let's just say, it wasn't much.
I think around the same time last quarter I felt the same way too- that I'm the worst possible student failing everything. And just because I managed to salvage my grade by then end of the quarter DOES NOT justify me doing it again this quarter. I told myself repeatedly that I won't let the same thing happen again, but it has only gotten 4 times worse. Because now, it's not only one or two classes, it's all of them.

The sense of disappointment is just brewing in my chest with every passing day.
Mom did say that 臨時抱佛腳 never works; that putting everything off until the last second is bad.
And the worse thing is that I know it. I know it but I still do it.
I can do so much better. Why am I not?

Pull yourself together, girl.

(Insert Motivation)

It's week four of this quarter and I'm feeling a bit tired. I would catch myself sighing more often than I used to. Everyday is so jam-packed with obligations and work and study and physical activities that I hardly have the time to sit down and breathe...

...everyday is filled with long strides and fast pace to get from Warren to York, York to Warren...
so fast, so quick, and no time to slow down and look UP.

And it wasn't until today when I realized how much I've missed.

The trees have changed colors. They're no longer bare.

The campus smells more floral with the Jasmines blooming.

And it wasn't until today that I noticed the difference.

All the things that I used to find joy in, the things that motivate me, I've missed them completely.

No wonder I've been feeling dejected these days. Like an old woman.

Motivation. Please come back.

I will slow down tomorrow.

Sky, please be pretty tomorrow...
...for me to admire.

回家

發現
最近離家的悲傷
和對家的留戀
越來越容易地
壓迫在腦後
我想
這也算是成長的一階段吧...（笑）

日子慢慢地逼近
對AZ比賽的期望就越來越高
到底
會是甚麼樣的三天呢？

-1: Pre-Final

One day until my finals.
Stress symptoms showing-
Late night binge eat: cereal banana milk.
GAH.

I will dominate. FOSHO.

I'm Done with Warren Writing.

5:26pm

Current Condition: Operating on 3 hours of sleep, a bowl of cereal breakfast, and some frozen yogurt with granola.

Status: Minor spaciness, feeling kind of hyper. WHHOOOOOO!

Land practice coming up in an hour, followed by review session until 10.

Time to Sleep

Cherry Flourless Chocolate Cake

I took a bite,
...and was surprised by the cherry, which provided a nice contrast to the chocolaty taste.
Wasn't too sweet, perfect.

Yums.

The highlight of my otherwise very dreadful and tiring warren writing night.

Project: Pesto

My ideal pasta is not tomato marinara or alfredo, but pesto. I like pesto. I really do.
So today I decided to try making it, my sauce.

Pesto
3 cloves of minced garlic
2 cups of fresh basil
1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil
Dash of salt & pepper
Parmesan cheese, to taste
and since I didn't have pine nuts, I substituted in 1/3 cup of almonds.

Turns out, I didn't ground the almond as finely as I should have, but I kind of enjoyed the rough texture. :D

Can I call it a success? haha.
I think my stomach approves.

[022810] Project: Cranberry Scones

I've finally gotten around to baking those scones that I saw on Almost Bourdain. It was yet another successful experiment, but much credit goes to Mr. Raymond, who salvaged the sticky mess of dough that I foolishly slapped onto the wooden board without flour. (I didn't know!)

Lesson Learned: Flour- It'll keep the dough from sticking to the board. yeah.

Unfortunately I didn't get to document on film the platter of 12 golden pastries before they fulfilled their destinies, but....
YUMS. Scones with ice cream. :D

Not bad for a second time baking experience. From scratch, that is.

What shall the next project be??

Economy.Tsunami.Earthquake.

The title does not make sense, I know. I didn't know what to name this, so decided to close my eyes and name it the first 3 words that I see. It sure is coincidental that all three of the words are relate to some kind of hurt,

...something that I'm feeling from multiple parts of my body. Gah.

I despise feeling weak. I don't think anyone does. So with this ankle that's hurting whenever I put weight on it, I feel extremely vulnerable. It's hindering me from doing things, namely: run, Run, and RUN (even though I've always despised running).

I will get better.

Project: Wonton

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Day 3

10:00 Cereal for breakfast
12:15 2 slices of apples
01:30 Half of a burrito
05:30 Second half of my burrito and 3 slices of apples
06:15 Milk with banana before land practice
08:45 Milk with frosted flakes and 4 chocolate coated gummi bears :D

Hmm... a day with lots of carbs.

Tomorrow will be veggie day.

Day 2

Today was a stressful day with all the studying and catching up on Econ that I had to do, and I guess that led to more spontaneous cravings than I've ever suffered this entire week.


11:50 Cereal for breakfast
01:37 Crackers and OJ
02:40 Leftover Goody's from yesterday- 1/2 a burrito
04:50 1/4 of an apple & 2 oreos
07:30 Half of a 2 entree Panda Express box--really wanting that noodles and broccoli :''(
09: 40 Milk tea with aloe that was given to me for free...gah
11:00 The other half of Panda

The two hour food craving trend is still more or less there, but I guess stress increased the quantity of food that I ate throughout the day.

Note to self: procrastination leads stress which leads to higher tendency to splurge on junk food--so don't do.

Of Food & Me

Over the past couple of days I've realized that once I start eating something it seems really hard to stop. It seems like I'm constantly munching on something-apples, bananas, milk & cereal, cranberries, or any little thing that I can find in my room.

That, is not good.

So Today I decided to write down the things I've eaten and when I ate them.

10:30 Bowl of cereal & milk
12:15 Brown rice w/ kimchi, soybean sprouts and seasoned dried octopus
02:10 Handful of cranberries
(4:55 Wanted food but decided to wait it out by visiting Jon in Muir tioga 10th floor)
06:00 Half a burrito from goody's, an Oreo and a kiwi
08:45 Milkshake. kill.

There seems to be a trend-that my body has the urge to eat something every two hours. It's almost like an internal clock. Sometimes I'm not even hungry.

I read from a news article that the body craves whatever it's been getting, so I guess from now on I'll pay more attention to my eating habits.

-1

Why does it persist?
Why do I still weep?
..., how true it is to its meaning.

Crush [021510]

February 14, 2010

February 14.
It's a day that most girls look forward to; a day that can mark either a happy start or yet another lonely year.
This year, however, is different-at least, for us Chinese people, for me.

It is also Chinese New Year.

Quite coincidental, I think.

This year is the first time ever in my life that I'm not with my family during this important Chinese holiday. A step towards independent adulthood? Probably.

In celebration of this holiday, my dear dear dragonboat teammates put together a hotpot session at one of their houses. It was delightful, being able to spend time with my other family. It's definitely a different experience. Thanks for hosting it, Angela & Eileen. :3

[The girly part of me isn't ready to let go of that three years of hoping...
...but it's a New Year. Let's start anew, and let things flow as it may.
Bring it on. I'm ready. ]

0

Long ago
in the midst of a group short of my kind
a hand reached out to me
and told me to be strong.

Many years have since passed
and the same hand was found
its touch so foreign yet so familiar
so much that has yet to be felt
the feelings within me intensifies
I don't know why.

But I know it's not supposed to be
so after these long and agonizing and crushing years
I think it's time.

It's a New Year.
Maybe one day I will find the courage.

Je t’adore [021410]

1

Skipped a couple: 3, 2.
I'm getting tired.
Is it...?

Lost Cause. [021310]

Mr. Alexander McQueen

Even though I don't own your pieces, I have always admired your ambitious but ethereal, chic and sophisticated designs. Your creations will always be loved. May you rest in peace.

Wuthering Heights

I'm going to finish you. For realz this time.

Start: [021110]

Be My Valentine?

Kina Grannis: Valentine. It's quite cute.

4

They keep telling me...
...is not the way to go.

Waiting. [021010]

ILML: SOUP

Sandy made me soup on sunday, but I didn't drink it until today.

Soup was super delicious, reminiscent of what my mom used to make when I was back at home.

Now I'm super content. MEOW. *purrrr*

ILML.

5

I hate how the sparks...
... are leading me nowhere.

of Hope. [020910]

ILML: Night of Ice Cream Goodness

It was a whimsical decision, a very bad one.

After the Beatle's midterm, Chase and I went to the library in hopes of getting some work done. However, it turned out that we did exactly the opposite. Kind of.

On a whim we both decided that it was a good idea to bake some brownies and dump some x tubs of ice cream on it. Sounds YUMS, right? Well, as it turned out, it was. Totally satisfying.

We called up the on campus kids, and BONDED (as Chase called it) over the brownies and ice cream goodness. It was a very pleasant distraction from all the stress and emotional downs and confusion that I've been feeling. I don't think I've laughed as much as tonight in a while. At the same time, I learned so much more about each and every one of my teammates who showed up. I'm a step closer to knowing them, and the time we shared was just priceless.

Even though I did stay up until 4 to finish my essay (yet again), I feel like this little diversion was exactly what I needed. Sometimes, I guess, we all need those moments to just need to relax and forget our duties, responsibilities, and the stressful from the busy world that we live in. We all need that mini vacation to remember that we're alive, and to once again embrace life's beauty.

After all the sweets, I feel mentally refreshed, and ready to tackle whatever comes my way tomorrow...
(...even though I really need to go work those brownies and ice cream off now. :D)

ILML.

Thanks, Chase, for making it happen.

6

Three years later I still ask the same question, over and over again: will it ever be...?



Us. [020810]

ILML: Girls Night Out

I've almost forgotten how it feels like to hang out with just girls. Heck, I've almost forgotten how to behave like a girly girl. I'm so used to the being around guys from dragonboat that I have no problem with discussing how hot a girl looks. When I hear "Dude that girl's hot!" the first reaction I have is "go tap that."

GAH. How horrible.

After being surrounded by so much testosterone macho masculine manliness, I guess every girl needs a break. And tonight was exactly that--a detour from all that masculinity on db. It brought back pleasant memories of hanging out with my beloved girls back in high school.

No, we did not sit around and talk about guys and feelings and crushes, but I really enjoyed our pho and chick flick combo. It was very enjoyable.

Thank you Michelle, for making it happen.

ILML.

ILML: A Tub of Pure Happiness

It was just another ordinary Monday. Class, work work work nap then class then homework homework homework until 4am.
Or so that was until this little piece of heaven fell into my hands.



Yup, Haagen Dazs Ice Cream. Strawberry. YUMS.
Creamy with bits of frozen strawberries mixed in between, mmmm, truly dericious. :D Although, for some reason, I thought it tasted sweeter than I remember...:/ Maybe it was because I haven't had ice cream in so long...

Regardless, THANK YOU for the very pleasant surprise. It totally made my night. :D

[020110]

SOCAL SOCIAL

A sapling requires careful nurture in order for it to grow and strengthen to become a tall sturdy tree. But not every sapling gets to 'grow up'; a sapling can only grow as big as the pot allows, unless, of course, the caregiver makes a conscious effort to help it overcome the obstacle.

Friendship is like a sapling, with its fragile roots and delicate stems. With time, friends become closer and friendship becomes stronger. But distance always presents itself as the biggest obstacle of friendship. Unless people make a conscious effort to get to know each other, spend time with each other, the wobbly foundation just might crumble, and friends long forgotten.

Why suddenly bring this up? Well, this weekend, I attended something called the "SoCal Social" with my fellow dragonboat teammates. The purpose of this social was to get to know the people from other dragonboat teams. We played various games throughout the day, and everyone had fun.

As I commend the effort to nurture the sapling of friendship between the schools, I wonder if this will last. Even though my group and I seemingly became very well acquainted over the course of the day, there was still a slight awkwardness that I can't put my finger on.

Let's just hope that next time I see them at races, we won't pretend to be complete strangers.

A slight nod of the head, or a simple smile.

Yea, that would be nice.

[1.27.2010] ILML: Sandy

Today I had a date with Sandy. Yes, be jealous. :D
It was a small get together, just me and her, talking over two CV tuna salad sandwiches that she's been missing since she moved off campus.
Before meeting up with her, I was slightly nervous. Being the insecure girl I am, I kept asking myself: what am I going to talk to her about? What if she finds me too boring? Oh how I hate silence, but sometimes with certain people it's just so hard to strike up conversation, you know?
But I was worrying for nothing. Conversation flowed endlessly between us- subjects of relationships, teeth, clothes, family and all kinds of weird stuff- she was so easy to talk to that it made me slightly embarrassed of my pre-date panic. It was quite possibly one of the best lunch that I've ever shared with just one other. Time flew by quickly, and we had to bid farewell-with the promise to repeat date as often as possible, of course.

Later on, I went back to my room and started musing about the subject of upperclassmen.

When I was a freshman in high school, I always thought that upperclassmen were so cool so superior and so untouchable. There was always the feeling of a gap between me and them, like the space separating earth and heaven. It was probably the case for many other freshmen too. To our young innocent and naive minds, the upperclassmen were just so damn godly.

Four years later, I'm a freshman yet again, but this time, the situation is slightly different. I'm not saying that they are any less cool or superior or godly; they still are. I still idolize them. I guess this admiration stems from the fact that I've always wanted an older sibling... In a way, they are images of what I strive to be, a representation of what I can become, a mirror to my possible future.

But after getting the chance to befriend so many of them this year, I realize that they are more. I realize that I was naive and blinded by the age difference to fail to realize that they are human too. They are people with different personalities and habits and faces and likes and dislikes and so much more. They are wise, and I learn so much from them, but they are learning things alongside me just as well. The gap between us is getting smaller, smaller, smaller and smaller...and then I would forget, forget that there was even a difference. It's just you, and me.

So of all the upperclassmen in my life...
Thanks for guiding me, and taking care of me.
and thank you all for existing in my life.

♥

ILML.

ILML

There's one phrase that's been floating around my surroundings, for a while now. One ubiquitous phrase that's thrown around so carelessly that it's lost its original vulgarness and severeness and whatever modicum of integrity the actually phrase holds--one phrase that irritates me whenever someone says it for the smallest thing that's barely comparable to greater scale of atrocity, one phrase that pretty much denies what I love and every little detail of the thing I love...

One phrase: Fuck My Life.

Seriously?

Granted, there're always ups and downs in life. It's unavoidable. Heck, I slip sometimes too. What would life be if it was just a smooth monotonous plane? Boring. Sometimes the phrase describe the exact desperation that we all suffer--that the situation sucks, that we wish we could be somewhere else.

But to throw it around so carelessly for their own screw ups, to add profanity to the gift that was given to us, to life, just because "I'm not attracted to Asians. I go to UCSD."-- really?

I hereby dedicate this section, ILML, to the little moments in life that make living worthwhile.

No more fuck it, I will love it.

Yes.

I Love My Life.

-the end.

Oh dear Sunshine...

..welcome home! How I've missed you so. Please don't leave again.



This polaroid-ish picture was made with Poladroid 9.6 program found online :D
It's quite coooool...
TEEHEE.

Army Recruits

Personalized dogtag. Pretty cool. :D

2/14/2010...

...single-awareness day.

"You have less than 3 weeks!"

Oh how my dear friend loves to rub it in my face...

Three Week Mark: Battle Report

It's January 21 11:19 pm. Since I have no class tomorrow, my weekend has already started. I'm sitting in my room, thinking how fast time has flown by. Half of my freshman year has gone by like a blur. Man, already?

Maybe that's why I should keep this blog going. Maybe then I can remember everything that happened.

Anyways, three weeks into my new quarter, and I'm still feeling quite stress-free. Compared to all my suite mates, I have a really really chill schedule. Classes on only tuesdays/thursdays. My work schedule is really flexible too- go in whenever I want.
But for some reason, I still sleep super late. I should stop procrastinating. Teehee.

Since I have so much free time, I've been super cooking obsessed. I'm not the most culinarily-expert person, but how I love to experiment! I haven't gone to CV in a week, and I'm quite proud. :D

On Sunday, I made some curry for Nina. The Japanese kind. For some reason, while I was making it, I felt a sense of nostalgia and...regret? Tears gathered themselves on the brim as I watched the onions sizzle in the pan. It was totally not the onion, swear. I guess making curry does remind me of junior year, of Japanese project, and of my partner, my friend once upon a time- the friend who is so close yet so far, the friend who is lost and never found. Well I guess it's too late now. Our paths have diverge. The curry was delicious and successful experiment.

Then on Tuesday night I made some dduk bokki- korean spicy rice cake. It was a very fun and Korean night! Michelle made some Kimchi fried rice to go along with my food. Lots of carbs, I know, but the food was YUMS. That was "delicious and successful experiment" #2. :D

Over the past week I've also realized that I enjoy grocery shopping more than I do clothes shopping. What is happening?! Back home I was never the girl to go into the kitchen. I was the one outside- the one doing work and handling paper and money! Is it a sign of domestication?! Am I becoming less ambitious?! :O Oh god.

haha. I know, this is a random post of stray thoughts. I'm never good at putting my memory and thoughts into words. Sigh.

Of Hard Boiled Eggs...

...and all the simple luxuries in life that I've always taken for granted.

Like eggs.

Scrambled. Medium-Over. Hard Boiled!

And an accessible kitchen too, even though I've never felt the desire to traverse to that particular territory dominated by my dear mother.

Oh how I've missed you.

Now I know what I've been missing my entire life.

This post was mainly inspired by "Receipe: Hard Boiled Eggs"

Oh the Little Things in Life...

...just waiting to be discovered.

There are so many little things in life that brush past us, unnoticed. After all, we're all busy people with busy schedules and busy work and busy..whatnot. But sometimes all we need to do is stop. Even if it's just for the slightest moment- a glance towards the skies, a listen for the crow's cries, or even a breath of the air outside. Just stop for a moment, and you'll find that the most seemingly insignificant thing can also bring the most joy. Oh the things you can discover! They never cease to put a smile on my face.

Recently, I've noticed that the trees outside my window have put on new coats for the winter. The leaves form quite the beautiful mix of colors- the fire orange complimenting the young yellow and at the same time contrasting with the few spots of stubborn and strong green. They waltz and bend to the gentle coaxing of the wind, rattling the music incomprehensible with my human ears. Wishing to capture the moment, I took out my handy dandy digital camera (that I haven't used in a while, sad face), and took random snaps of the trees. Being slightly vertically challenged, compared to the trees, of course, I could only take pictures from underneath their mighty branches. That was when I realized how different each and every one of the trees are from each other. Despite common belief, they aren't just trees. Each tree is an art piece itself, and they are definitely not "all the same."

Shooting all from the same angle (namely, me bending backwards to take pictures of what's on top of me), the pictures turned out like this:









Each frame is like the canvas, and the branches the strokes.

Each one is unique.

And all it took was seeing them at a different angle.

I guess the same thing applies to life as well. I vaguely remember a quote from my text book way back in 5th grade, and the direct translation went along the lines of this: "A chipped teacup. If you turn it around, look at it from a different angle, it's still a whole, and as good as new." Back then, the quote didn't really appeal to me as much, because I guess to my fifth grade mind a chipped cup was a chipped cup no matter how you look at it.

But now, I would like to believe that I've matured. Because now I can sort of see life and accept life as the way it is, not bad, but just good from a different angle. Yes, I may be a bit too optimistic for your taste. Yes, I may seem to live in a surreal world, in my own bubble that seem to make me float in the skies. But nevertheless, seeing things from a different perspective helps me confront even the toughest situations in my life with a smile on my face.

After all, all it takes is a simple tilt of the head. Why not give it a try?

You just might find the world much more beautiful that way.