End of Freshman Year

The year came and went in a flash. First day of orientation, moving into the dorms, first day of class, fall quarter, winter quarter, spring quarter. All the memories still burn freshly in my mind. Where did the time go?

The end leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I'm happy that I finished the first year of college (I survived!), but there are several things that I thought could have been better. One of which included regret for not knowing my suitemates (and the guys next door!) better until this quarter.

For the past days as I spent countless amount of time with them- going to Red Robins, going to PC, and just, hanging out- I've come to realize that how many times in a lifetime will I really get the chance to live with so many girls? How often does it happen when your friend is literally right next door? I mean, yea, they do little things that piss me off sometimes, but still. It's an experience that will be remembered forever.

And as I pack my things now, I can't help let sadness wash over me. I bite back my tears, and tell myself that it's okay.

Tonight's the last night in the dorms. Let's go have fun.

Young Leaves of Barley in Whole

Sometimes I wish I can live on an island with no internet, no TV. Just me, and a book, maybe a glass of lemonade, on a hammock, accompanied by the gentle brush of ocean breeze and the soothing sound of the waters splashing and the palm trees rattling. To just enjoy nature for what it's worth. Like the old days.

That, though, seem too much like a picture from a traveling brochure, maybe to Hawaii or the Caribbean. In the world I live in, life is saturated with electronics and social interaction. With noises.

But it still doesn't prevent me from trying to replicate the tranquility that I long for. On the patio outside my suite.

I made a cup of "Young Leaves of Barley in Whole" veggie soy milk thing (that my mom bought from some Japanese store that's supposed to be the equivalent of eating veggies! It tasted like green tea soymilk, YUMS), grabbed a book and a sitting cushion, and went out to the patio where I sat, read, and sipped my soymilk while enjoying the San Diego breeze that made the trees swayed side to side, and listening to the dull and gentle hum of cars and people and everything else.

Well, that's the best I can do for now.

Close enough to my Caribbean life, don't you think?

051310 Of Being A Girl

Today as I was walking out of the bathroom next to Panda Express in PC I ran into a girl who was just coming through the door. Upon seeing me, she shouted angrily: "DON'T EVER DATE A GUY NAME DRAKE CUZ HE JUST MADE ME DEAF IN ONE EAR."

I stood dumbly, speechless as she brushed past me to go towards the sink, where she proceeded to try to hide her puffy eyes with cold running water. I took a step out the door, but immediately retracted and went to her, hugging her sobbing person and patting her on the back while telling her that "it's okay". She gave me an incoherent string of apologies that I managed to make out in between her sniffs, and held me tight. A minutes later as her crying subsided, she grabbed some tissue and thanked me before going out the door- bravely facing what I assumed the single life.

I guess this is one of the differences between girls and guys. Girls are there for other girls, even if they don't know the other girl or her situation. We willingly offer our condolence in moments of vulnerability, hold no reservation in becoming the other's solace just so she can stand back up again, so that she can face the challenges before her bravely again, if not braver than before.

But girls aren't all daisies and stars, hearts and kisses either. We're multilayered. We're gentle but when we put our mind to it we're forceful. We're naive and innocent but to achieve our goals we can be cunning. We're strong but easily breakable. We're Complicated. We're walking contradictions.

What I'm trying to say in this post is that: guys, please handle us gently. We're fragile. Besides your machoness and masculinity, please do use some sensitivity that is born in you. If you wrong one girl, well let's just say, world spreads quickly through the intricate web of social communication. We are, after all, queens of gossip.

Now that I know to never date a guy name Drake.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

...it never said they are sweet.

(DUH, lemons aren't sweet.)

Chemistry midterm answer key came out tonight, and all I can say is: disappointment.

Not at my grade, but at myself. Because now that I look at how much I studied, well, let's just say, it wasn't much.
I think around the same time last quarter I felt the same way too- that I'm the worst possible student failing everything. And just because I managed to salvage my grade by then end of the quarter DOES NOT justify me doing it again this quarter. I told myself repeatedly that I won't let the same thing happen again, but it has only gotten 4 times worse. Because now, it's not only one or two classes, it's all of them.

The sense of disappointment is just brewing in my chest with every passing day.
Mom did say that 臨時抱佛腳 never works; that putting everything off until the last second is bad.
And the worse thing is that I know it. I know it but I still do it.
I can do so much better. Why am I not?

Pull yourself together, girl.

(Insert Motivation)

It's week four of this quarter and I'm feeling a bit tired. I would catch myself sighing more often than I used to. Everyday is so jam-packed with obligations and work and study and physical activities that I hardly have the time to sit down and breathe...

...everyday is filled with long strides and fast pace to get from Warren to York, York to Warren...
so fast, so quick, and no time to slow down and look UP.

And it wasn't until today when I realized how much I've missed.

The trees have changed colors. They're no longer bare.

The campus smells more floral with the Jasmines blooming.

And it wasn't until today that I noticed the difference.

All the things that I used to find joy in, the things that motivate me, I've missed them completely.

No wonder I've been feeling dejected these days. Like an old woman.

Motivation. Please come back.

I will slow down tomorrow.

Sky, please be pretty tomorrow...
...for me to admire.