Heart...

Rejection. No one can ever take it lightly.

no matter how strong I thought I was,
no matter how much I thought the feelings were going away recently,
no matter how prepared I thought I was,
in the end, it still hurts. It still stings. I still feel broken. lost.

I did what every girl did. I cried. I screamed (silently). I pulled on my hair. I wiped my face raw with tissues, and played songs and songs on repeat. I guess it's all part of the experience. The first time I will ever cry over a boy. one that I always thought I knew. The one that is so familiar but so foreign.
So hypnotizing. So mesmerizing...

On the 5th repeat, the waterworks will stop. The trails will dry. I'll be okay.
In my mind, it will remain a good memory. the day was still very me, very sunny, your smile was still bright, and my feelings were still strong. There was a moment of clarity in my head. I had told you how I felt. And it was done with no regret. It was a nice and soft way to let me down, and what better than that?

now,
the chase is finished,
the seeker lost.
4 years and finally this chapter of my life is coming to a close.
thanks for entertaining.

[...broken. 3.21.11]

BIG.BOLD&RED.

Moleskine Red Large Memo Pockets.

I WANTZ.

Bringing Back the Old School

One of the many things I love from the past is a good handwritten letter.

Why? Because unlike text, unlike emails, unlike Facebook wall posts, paper letters are just so personal.

They carry so much on a single piece of paper; the writer's emotions and thoughts so transparent through the writer's penmanship and writing.

Two months ago my friend sent me a letter from Toronto, and it brought tears to my eyes. Two months later, I finally got the chance to retrieve my stationary from home, and wrote my reply.

Yeah. Old School Style.

What's in a Name?

Two days ago, I paid a visit to Goody's grocery store after land practice to purchase a banana, hoping to suppress my hunger before my fraternity meeting right after. As I unbuttoned my wallet to fish out my credit card, I suddenly heard a squeal, followed by:

"IS THAT A LOUIS VUITTON WALLET?"

Initially, I had thought the girl wasn't talking to me, so I continued to hand the cashier my card. But the girl was persistent, and she tapped my shoulders and asked again,

"DO YOU HAVE A LOUIS VUITTON WALLET?!"

"uh....yes?"

"OH MY GOD! It's ADORABLE!"

At that moment, her fingers reached forward and tentatively touched the leather of the wallet. "(Insert boyfriend's name), Look! She has a Louis Vuitton wallet. It's adorable!"

I was stunned, and really didn't know what to say besides giving her a smile, murmured a very hurried "thank you", grabbed my banana, and walked out of the door.

Awkward? yes.

This is definitely the first time I've ever heard "Louis Vuitton" being called "adorable."

But really,

LouisVuittonDolce&GabbanaJuicyCoutureCoach

What do they really mean?

(They're just names, after all.)

Just updating.

A lot of times I would create a "New Post", jot down a couple words, and press "Save Now", with the intentions of coming back and completing it at a later time. Recently, it's become a horrible habit, leaving me with around 25 incomplete posts, waiting for me to devote some love and attention to complete them.

Well, I guess today is just as good as any to start.

Let the pre-final procrastination begin.

The Curse

Finals are coming up.

Actually, let me rephrase that. My chemistry final is tomorrow.

Normal people would be going coo-coo right now, with the mental sirens sounding and screaming "ALERT! ALERT!" in their heads as they cram to make that finals stretch...

But as you can see, that's not me. I, unfortunately, was cursed with an unexplainably high tolerance for procrastination.

Yeah. The Curse so cruelly casted on my mind, taking away all the stress that I should be feeling and replacing them with urges to...

1. Roam around the house aimlessly

2. BLOG

3. Munch

4. Research the health benefits of all my munchies

5. Sleep

6. Eat some more

Despite not consciously feeling stressed at all, I know that my body is in fact VERY STRESSED right now. Because all the symptoms are showing- the sleepiness, inability to focus, and the forever insatiable hunger.

Which led to the ingestion of almost 5 lbs of cherries in the span of last two days (among various other snacks).

So. Good. Nom.

Gah.

I will talk about my berries-addiction another day. :D

Haitians

A lot of times, being the FOB that I am (oh how Jon loves to rub it in every single day...), I would look at a word, stare at it, stare at it some more, hoping it will register, and eventually bite down my pride and ask my companions, only to realize afterwards, as I stare at the same word again, this time disbelievingly, how incredibly obvious the word's meaning is, and how embarrassing my question came out to be.

Haitians. Yea.

Last night as I was staring at some many 200 sheets of yellow paper I stumbled across this word countless times. Haitians. HAItians.HaiTIANS. HUH?

Naturally, being the girl who can't NOT know, I asked my companion the almighty Bailey, "What are Haitians?"

And he replies, "Haitians...like, people living in Haiti?"

Well, DUH. *smacks forehead* I should have known.

Unfortunately Jon had to be there, and made me feel incredibly stupid, not to mention post it on Nina's facebook, and publish it to the world.

It's not that I'm trying to be oblivious to the world. Being ignorant is the last thing I want to be. Of course I known of Haiti, and all the unfortunate events that the fragile place has had the misfortune of experiencing. I know of the earthquake that happened, of poverty and the living conditions there.

But when the alphabets rearrange themselves in different functions, and my mind is on a completely different track, thinking of sexually transmitted diseases, suddenly, the words HAITIan and HAITI just don't pop and scream "I'M A PERSON FROM HAITI" to me.

I know, it's my fault that my mind doesn't operate on the "English" track like a well-oiled machine. I haven't entirely put forth much effort to try to improve my English (ever since I completed my SATs and tossed everything in the back of my head). And yes, English as second language can be hard, with all the colloquialism and syntax that aren't taught in the dictionary, but many people have succeeded, so I should be able to do the same.

But still, thanks for making me feel worse than I already do, world.